I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We talked him into tasing himself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
