And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
