the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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