please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
