I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
