everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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