Did you just see the Batmobile???
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
