Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
