I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
