Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
