my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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