WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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