i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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