my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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