oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
