I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
