I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my being single is dangerous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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