What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
