you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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