sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
