i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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