I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
