These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
