Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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