I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
