Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
