you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
