He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
