What did we do last night that was yellow?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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