that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize