Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
