I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well I just put wine in my tea
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
