well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
