so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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