I'd wear matching sweaters with you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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