I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
