I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
