ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
