he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
