Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize