we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
