My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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