My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
