We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
