my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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