All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
