i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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