you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
