i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
