he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
