I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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