Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
