Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
