its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
