You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
