she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
