wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
