so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
