Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
