you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
