I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
