Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
