It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
