Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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