dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
