oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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