I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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