Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ttyl tear gas
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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